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I was driving and suddenly this thought came to my mind. Deep down inside I realize that it’s very bad and might hurt a lot of people but I can’t help to think that the biggest lie a parent ever told his/her children is that he/she loves them equally. At least from a child’s point of view.

Of course I don’t know this cause I’m not a parent yet. But even until now, I can really feel that the way my parents treat me is really different from the way they treat my younger siblings. It’s the feeling that never goes away since their birth and I thought once I grew older I would be able to shake this feeling off, but the sucky part is that it’s still here and I don’t know whether it will ever leave.

Also, as an individual, we all have our own preference. It’s the human inside of us. There’s a very big possibility that I am not their favorite. Well, actually it’s very obvious. My friend told me that maybe because I’m not too needy when it comes to the parents-daughter relationship, but in my defense, I was never given the opportunity to be needy. A couple of times, when I just couldn’t take it and let them see my vulnerable side, they decided to spill my guts out to everyone in the family (big chance, to the extended family too.) When I found out, I was really heart-broken. I’ve spent my lifetime trying to gain my siblings’ respect and my parents decided to jeopardize it Of course until now, they don’t know that I’ve found their habit out.

I know it’s a long way to go, but I’m really scared that I will not be able to love all my children equally (if ever God grant us one or two or three), and will put him/her in the position that I am now. :(

What I really wanted to hear from them all my life time is, “We are happy for you.”, probably they are not the persons with lots of words, but not even a simple gesture too? *shrug*

Anyone can enlighten me on this?

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