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Common features of Dysfunctional Parenting*

The following features occur in most dysfunctional families:

* Lack of empathy, understanding, and sensitivity toward certain family members; while, on the other hand, expressing extreme empathy toward one or more family members (or even pets) who have real or perceived “special needs.”

Yeah, even with an eye closed you can see which category I fit in. Okay my friends, I am officially tired with the joke, “Oh, you can see which one is the adopted kid in the family.” even though I laughed and quoted the sentence over and over again, guess what, it hurts every time. :D

* Denial (a refusal to acknowledge abusive behavior; also known as the “elephant in the room”)

“Elephant in the room”** is an English idiom for an obvious truth that is being ignored or goes unaddressed. The idiomatic expression also applies to an obvious problem or risk no one wants to discuss

In this family, if there’s a problem and nobody wanna talk about it, the problem is considered as nonexistent. And I, as the one who hates unresolved issues, will eventually try to bring up the topic. It usually ends up with the conclusion that “You said this because you were jealous of your siblings. If you ask the same thing from us, we will buy it for you.”

Over and over again, even though the problem isn’t really material-related.

* Inadequate or missing boundaries for self (e.g., tolerating inappropriate treatment from others, failing to express what is acceptable and unacceptable treatment, tolerance of physical, emotional or sexual abuse)

did you attend my wedding? If you did, I’m sure you don’t need the example for this point.

* Disrespect of others’ boundaries (e.g., throwing away personal possessions that belong to others, physical contact that other person dislikes; breaking important promises without just cause; purposefully violating a boundary another person has expressed)

You would think that your parents would keep your childhood bedroom intact, so when you visit them you have a place to stay. A couple days after my wedding, when I went home to get a couple of my things, my room was already occupied by the prince of the house a.k.a my younger brother and his friends. When I addressed this to my mum, she blamed me for leaving my things around in my room. Boundary much?

* Extremes in conflict (either too much fighting or insufficient arguing between family members)

“Elephant in the room” Hellooooo….

* Unequal or unfair treatment of one or more family members due to their gender, age (e.g., seniors, children), abilities, race, economic status, etc. (may include frequent appeasement of one member at the expense of others, or an uneven enforcement of rules).

Well, people don’t tell me that I was adopted for no reason right?

Je suis triste. :(

*source: wiki
** source: wiki

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One Comment

  1. steeee…. (cozy) (cozy) (cozy)


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