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Recently, Jakarta feels like Taipei in winter. The grey sky. The unpredictable rain. The cold breeze that hit my face. The gloomy atmosphere. They all bring me back to a few years ago when I was working there. The eighteen months of loneliness I enjoyed so much. The time when I wasn’t fixated into anything but the books I read. Distraction was less in the older days. No facebook, no twitter, no blackberry messenger. The reason why I went online was only to update my multiply and it wasn’t that frequent. Most of the time I wrote in my head or in that agnes b sketchbook I really like, I wonder where it is now.

It especially feels like Taipei in winter today. I had caught a cold and I have to wear layers of clothes. I have Catcher in the Rye in my bag, because I miss Holden too much. The radio is playing the songs I like from those years.

Taipei in the winter. New year’s eve. When I had to buy a helmet because Yvonne made you take me to 101 from Gong Guan. Where I sat on your motorcycle. Where you had to find other ways because most of the roads were blocked for new year’s celebration. Like usual, we always spent our togetherness in solitude. The solitude that I could never find in the companionship of any other person.

You know how I promised that I will visit you when I went to Taipei, I couldn’t. When I stopped by the office and saw that there was no traces of you left, I had no guts to bring you up in the conversation. I was afraid that I might make the others sad, Do they still think of you? Do they still visit you? Do you know how many questions I wanted to ask them? Do you know that I keep on wondering whether you had managed to read the message I sent to you on the night that you died?

Jakarta feels like Taipei in the winter. That one smile that I will never forget. Can you please tell me how to get over someone’s death?

“Hector was the first of the gang
with a gun in his hand
and a bullet in his gullet
and the first lost lad to go under the sod.” – Morrissey


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