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Do you remember your first love (or that giddy feeling that feels a lot like love)? I still remember mine vividly. He was this guy at school (of course). He was a year older (Jan 16th 1984) than me. Coincidentally, he lived just a block away.

I don’t have much memories of us together because May 98 happened and we had to leave our house. But before that we had been drifting away. I still remember the last phone call I made. It was Sunday morning. Lupus was playing on Indosiar. I dialed his number like usual. He said he was preoccupied. His voice was so cold and distant. I’ve never dialed that number again. (***2420).

Like I said, I don’t have a lot of memories about us together. So until now, I remember the most important ones.

His number for example. Not only I remember it by heart. I also remember when I got it. He wrote it on a piece of paper he tore from a page of Album Donal Bebek. That Album Donal Bebek belongs to his classmate, Michael.

I remember his house. Even though I’ve only seen it from the outside. Until a few years ago, I still drove past it once a while. I don’t know if he still lives there or not.

I remember his voice. How could I not? We had spent too much time on the phone. Even though we always walked home together from school, I immediately changed and positioned myself beside the phone in my parents’ room. While fiddling with the tapes I had, planning the mix tape I was gonna make for him.

Boyzone’s A Different Beat was the first CD he lent me. No one had ever lent me a CD before. A CD was a luxury back then at least for me. I couldn’t believe that he would lent me that.

Gary Barlow’s Forever Love was the first cassette I lent him.

Our first argument was which was the best song in N’SYNC first album. I went with Tearin’ Up My Heart. His choice was I Want You Back.

I remember the way he sat in front of me in my class during recess. Now that I think about it, it was rather adorable how he found ways to visit me in my classroom.

I remember that he was 10 cm taller than I was.

I remember how I used to repeat this stuff in my mind for so many times when I missed him.

Until now, I feel really grateful that it did not last between us. It was perfect the way it was. I’m glad that it ended before we’d seen the worse in each of us. We were only twelve. What did we know about compromise? So, where ever you are, I wish you well, W.


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