something out of nothing

No surprise at all that I didn’t post anything in 2018, huh? I did write some short poems in my phone, but when I switched phone, somehow my notes were not successfully backed up so I kinda lose all five of them. LOL. What gutted me that there were a few raw ideas I jotted down that I feel like exploring, but well, boo-hoo, it’s all gone, what to do about it?

2019 is just two weeks in, and I’m already under my bad spell. It’s really hard juggling work, housework, parenting, sanity and so on. This humble small business I just started a few months ago didn’t get enough of my attention and I feel really bad about it because it is going well and have potential to grow more. But, I’ve spent too much of my time to scrape dried play-doh from my kids’ shirt and trying to remove wax crayon stain from everything.

Duncan Jones tweeted something about having kids isn’t the best decision in (his) life and I kinda agree with him. I think in order to get married or have kids, you really got to know how to manage your expectations first. If you are shitty in doing it, just like I do, then everything will feel so hard because, congratulations! Now you have your spouse’s and your kids’ expectations to manage too. I’m not talking about being ungrateful yada yada yada but people shouldn’t just tell other people to get married or to have kids because they are the ultimate joy in life.

Inside my jumbled up head, when I feel inadequate as a mom, next I will feel like I’m not a good wife, then I will feel like this is karma biting me back in the ass because I’m not a good kid/sister and eventually, I’d feel worthless and thinking about killing myself. When I think about killing myself, I would try to figure out how to kill myself without making my family feel ashamed. Do I have enough money saved for my kids until they are 17, and so on.

I don’t know if I’m ranting because I feel tired or my painkiller works funny in my brain instead of killing my back pain. Seriously, it’s hurting so much, it felt like I’m having contractions and about to give birth to bitterness.

big things, little things

It has been more than a year since I wrote something here.

What had happened in the span of twelve months?

I got pregnant. Whatever people told you about second pregnancy, forget them. Every pregnancy is different. One thing I can tell you is that you don’t ‘master’ pregnancy. It surely didn’t feel easier the second time. Honestly, it felt harder because I didn’t have the option to just lay around all day on my own because I have the responsibility to keep a toddler alive entertained.

Nine months after , I gave birth to a lovely angel that I named after my favorite character in Supernatural, who is a literal angel. I honestly don’t know if I’m doing this parenting of two right because it’s so hard to keep everyone alive entertained. I don’t know if you know this, but my firstborn is very vocal about things. She has raised concerns about how the baby’s presence making her feel neglected. She even said that she needs the amount of attention she had received pre-baby era.

My father-in-law passed away when C is like 2 week old. We didn’t see it coming at all. Death in family brought out the worst in us. It’s still hard to talk about it.

Elmo, Mon and I flew to Rome on May to attend Jus in Bello. It’s a Supernatural convention, the tv show, not the literal meaning. I’ve never really made a serious bucket list, but if I did, this one tops them all. Before attending the convention, I’ve always thought that meeting your idols once is enough, but after the JIB experience, I’ve found myself missing those guys from time to time. Would really love to attend it again and to explore around Rome since I only spent a weekend there and most of the time, we were in the convention.

Marisa and I launched “27 Days of Heartbreak” illustrated book. Take a sneak peek of our book here We are also selling our book merchandise at Arterous, please check it out. How do I feel about launching a book? I feel like I just give birth to another baby. Seriously, the excitement and nervousness were mixed together as a giant knot of tension in my stomach. It felt really good that our family and friends were there to support us on the launching day. I had this apprehension that no one would show up on the day. You can purchase the book here. If you are interested in having signed copies, I have five copies up for sale. You can leave comment in this post and I’ll get in touch with you.

What’s up with you? Would love to hear from you.

Review: Cetaphil Gentle Skin Cleaner

  
I have this weakness of trying new face cleansers. I think this year alone, I have tried like 2 or 3 brands. But too bad, the last one I used made my skin really dry and since then, I’ve been using my daughter’s baby soap to clean my face. It was okay at first but after a few weeks, my skin got oilier and I started to get pimples! Since I don’t use too much make up (only moisturizer, sunblock and powder), I never bothered to use make-up remover, but I guess baby soap doesn’t really clean thoroughly. 

I was contemplating to try another fave cleanser when I came across Cetaphil. I got interested in their soap and fragrance free properties. Since my skin wasn’t in the ideal condition, I figure that this type of gentle cleanser is suitable for my condition. 

The moisturizing effect was visible after the first use. Usually my face would feel so dry and tight after using face cleanser but after using Cetaphil Skin Cleanser, my skin felt moist, soft and supple. I deliberately didn’t use my night cream that night and when I woke up in the morning, I didn’t feel any dryness on my face at all. 
This is my 10th day of using it, the dry spots on my nose had subsided and my pimples are gone. I guess this one is a keeper. 

Have you tried Cetaphil Gentle Cleanser or their other products? You can check it out here on their website. Do share your Cetaphil Experience!